Knowing When It Is Time To Say Goodbye

Commentary About Friendships and Relationships by Mitch Santell

Are you still breaking bread?

Connections with people are very funny things, aren’t they? Sometimes you meet someone and you feel like you have known them their whole life while others are more like passing ships in the night. Throughout our life, we meet so many people who are either positive, negative or neutral to who we are.

The ability to maintain friendships has never been easier because of social media and yet I know so many who are hurting, it comes down to breaking bread together. In our family, we always broke bread together. From the time I was small, I was even taught the importance of breaking bread in business.

saying goodbye save your life

When we were younger, we cycled through our interactions quickly: best friends, friend groups, relationships even. As we mature, unimportant relationships and friendships have fallen away and the few close ones have withstood the test of time. Along the way, you’ve probably let go of someone you never thought you’d say goodbye to. You’ve probably let go of someone you never wanted to say goodbye to.

It’s easy feel possessive of the people you love. The two of you have spent so much time together, bonded over silly and not so silly things, made a deep connection in a world full of so many people. So when it ends — whether it’s mutual, for good reasons, or just a slow fade — it just doesn’t feel right. But it happened and you’ll come to terms with it eventually. I never like the term letting them go or moving on. Especially since I loved them so deeply, it just didn’t make sense to me. Over the years I’ve realized that it’s not cutting someone off, it’s just loving them quieter.

Loving someone is usually loud. It’s tight hugs, late night calls, laughing candid photos, “I miss you” texts in caps. Learning to love quieter is actually not doing these things that once showed them that you care. It’s actively not doing these things, because you care. You care about their well-being, and allowing them to walk away if all has been said and there is nothing more to salvage. So you begin loving them from a distance.

You start with texting them less. You get the urge to when you pass by their favorite coffeeshop, see someone with the same dress as them, mundane things that used to be normal. You stop liking their social media posts or even looking at their feed because it just hurts. You want to be angry. You want to scream and yell and make them understand how much it all just sucks, but you know deep down it’s only because you care so much. So swallow that anger, it’ll pass.

Read more here:

I am done good bye


Exodus 2: The Underlying Reason for The Movement

The divide between men and women feels out of control to me. This post is not for the faint of heart. This post goes beyond race, color or creed. When I read this, it was from a perspective I had never thought of before and had to share it. Let me know your thoughts and feel free to share with others.


Related image

So I apparently hit a nerve again.

The truth has a tendency to do that.

I took a break to focus on myself, to heal, to meditate, to relax, to listen to some Teddy Pendergrass and to focus on the changing atmosphere in Trump’s America. Hard times are coming and many of us are woefully unprepared.

I’ve gotten a slew of letters from blacks, whites, men and women, asking me for dialogue and what made me, of all people, come to this point in my life where I’m finally writing about this…

I have this uncanny ability to make people be at total ease. They tell me things about themselves. Their lives, their failures, their pain and their struggles. Over the past few years, I’ve sat and read and listened to black women say the same things over and over again like clockwork.

“It was my uncle that…

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The Smallest Moments Mean The Most

Written by Mitch Santell

Today was one of those fantastic days where it all went wrong, and it all went perfectly. Today felt like a long week. Have you had days like that? There is a flow to life if you can tune into it. Every day I still see the good and kindness in people. The ones I mainly respect can move through the world without a “chip on their shoulder.”

You do not see the world the way the world is, you see the world the way “you are.”

Yesterday as I was driving around my local town running errands I noticed that my wife’s van was barely starting over each time I turned on the engine. I did not know if it was the battery or the alternator. One of those errands included making a simple deposit at my bank.

As always, I make it a point to be kind to people I meet in public. Kindness is my style, and I have been this way my whole life. With each person I met at my bank branch I smiled warmly and just went about my business.

the word can't
Respect yourself first and stop acting like a victim!

When I returned to the van and tried to leave, the car was dead. One of the young men I had smiled at immediately offered to give me a jump-start. Grabbing a jumper cable out of the trunk of his car, a woman in a brand new Lexus SUV starts to pull into the parking spot between our vehicles.

Quickly and quietly motioning to her, I motioned for her to roll her window down but she refused. Again, I smiled and mouthed as best I could “to please move over to another parking spot so I can start my van.” You could tell she was upset and my feeling was it had nothing to do with me.  My kindness helped me move past her anger and allowed me to start my vehicle.

The young man kindly helped me start my van. Afterward, as a small way of thanking him, I handed him a 20 dollar bill. He smiled, seemed very grateful and went on with his day.

By nature, I always look at how to accomplish the most with the fewest steps. Later this same day, I had to purchase a brand new battery. While I never told my wife of the incident that happened earlier in the day, the man who sold us a new vehicle battery and installed it did so with a smile on his face and a happy heart.

small moments
Small Moments Mean The Most

Most people will show you their best self when you show your best self. When they can’t show their best self, be the bigger person and be kind because it is the right thing to do.

My take? Be kind, stop acting like a victim and be the best version of yourself!

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