Fourteen Years In An Institution

Anne McDonald 1977

I’m on the right, next to my best friend Leonie. In this picture I’m sixteen, she’s fifteen.  We’re sitting in a twin baby buggy. As one does.

By Anne McDonald

I lived in St Nicholas Hospital until I turned eighteen. Until I was sixteen I was totally unable to communicate with any adult because I am a severely handicapped athetoid. Athetosis is a type of cerebral palsy which results in a lot of uncontrolled movement; as well, in my case, there was an enormous excess of muscle tension. The combination of these difficulties meant that I could not use my hands, walk, or talk intelligibly.

In 1977 I was taught to communicate by using an alphabet board on which I point to letters in order to spell sentences. That is how I wrote my part of Annie’s Coming Out.

The worst thing for me about going into an institution was the total separation from everything I had known. St Nicholas would not allow parents to leave toys or clothes when they left a child. My rabbit, which I loved dearly, could not come, and neither could the animals we had as pets. The ruthless way in which children were parted from their toys was typical of the system’s treatment of children. We upset all their rather puritanical ideas about how children should behave. We were not good patients. We cried because we felt abandoned. The nurses didn’t know what to do; they didn’t know we could feel anguish. The institution had no tally book for broken hearts.

Nurses were discouraged from cuddling children. A crying child needed to be punished for its own good, so it would learn to accept the absence of affection and be happy. Punishment consisted of locking the crying child in a small dark store room. The hospital defined a happy child as a quiet child. Silence was not only golden but sullen; the nurses never saw the looks we gave them when a child was put away.

The doctors were no better. They went home at night, when the crying was worst. Remembering home was easier when you were in your cot with no toys, no games, no stories and no tucking in. We didn’t want to be kissed goodnight – that would have been unbearably distressing – but it would have been nice if someone had shown some sign that they would be glad to see us in the morning.

Talking about shit filled an enormous part of the nurses’ days. They spoke only a limited form of English, so the words they used were usually those used as abuse in polite society. You used to hold off shitting until you just about burst rather than suffer the abuse. We could not take ourselves to the toilets even if there had been toilets, so we were all in nappies. If you did not use your bowels you would have a suppository rammed in. This was recognized by the authorities, who had provided a tome in which all movements were recorded for posterity. It was called the Bowel Book. This caused no end of problems, because failure to score resulted automatically in laxatives. One day missed meant Duralax tablets; two, suppositories; three, an enema. You had no say at all.

Some nurses never marked the book, so totally unnecessary suppositories were frequently given. If you had a shit after being given a suppository you still had to listen to remarks about your odour and messiness. Instead of giving laxatives at night when they would cause the least embarrassment, they were always given at breakfast or lunch, ensuring a totally ruined morning or afternoon. This would not have mattered once in a while, but some of us were being dosed every second day.

Still, we thought we would be going home. Perhaps we were going to be cured. Little did we know! St Nicholas only has ‘hospital’ in its title because it occupies the old Children’s Hospital buildings. Of course, these were available for us only because they had been condemned as unsafe and inappropriate for children. Less medical care was given than we had at home. Laughter was the only medicine apart from laxatives and anticonvulsants, and humour was discouraged because laughter was confused with epilepsy and treated by injecting Valium or paraldehyde.

The nurses had never seen physically handicapped people before and had no idea which responses we shared with normal kids and which were significant indications of distress requiring intervention. Jittery nurses often thought we were frail and used to keep us in bed until the temperature had hit eighty. This resulted in even those children who had no physical handicap becoming wasted and pale. For the spastics, lying flat was disastrous. Their spasm became worse lying flat than sitting, reduced their ability to speak clearly, blocked gesturing, and usually removed any means of interaction. We were each marooned in our private cage. Vitality ebbed. We became prey to infections, which proved to the nurses that they were right to keep us in bed. The ultimate irony was that outsiders used to commend the nurses for treating us so well.

Despite this I was very attached to some of the nurses from the beginning. I think that some did marvelous work to cope with the numbers of kids in their groups and still be affectionate to us. They treated us like babies, but some treated us like nice babies. I was very fond of the night nurse on Ward 4. She was never flustered and was always even-handed in the way she dealt with us. You always got good treatment regardless of whether you responded or not.

We took some time to realize that we were not being treated. You expect a hospital to discharge patients other than in coffins. Some kids did come for temporary stays; funnily enough they frequently died. Usually children who visited knew when they were leaving. This meant that they did not become part of the ward and they took a superior attitude to us long-term residents. (As usual, I am talking about those who could communicate – most could not.) We tried not to hate them. It was difficult. Not only were they going home but they also got more than their fair share of attention. The nurses used to make a fuss of them and compare us unfavorably to them. The nurses felt no responsibility if we were skinny, sickly and sullen.

We had ways of communicating between ourselves. Usually we tried to cheer up any short-stay kids by pointing out how much better their state was than ours. We felt that nowhere could be as dreadful as St Nicholas; however, it seemed that the outside had its problems too. Most short-stay kids we saw were very physically handicapped. Those who spoke were generally unhappy because no one understood them, and they had no one to talk to. At least we had each other. Sometimes kids wanted to help us, but telling others was impossible for them too.

Dying was dependent on the way you felt. Jobs in mental hospitals do not attract the best doctors, and there was no supervision. The patients could not complain. If you wanted to die you had every opportunity. Many short-stay kids took their chance. Death never appealed to me; I wanted revenge. Now that does not seem to matter. What is important is stopping other kids going through what we went through.

Deceiving yourself was the hospital pastime. You imagined you talked perfectly and that you would be taken out for ever. You imagined waking up cured. You never took your condition seriously; it was never as important to you as it was to others. We had never walked; it did not look like we ever would. It was something we had grown up knowing. For busting out of confinement, speech seemed more desirable. We knew there were kids in St Nicholas who could walk, but none who could talk properly. All our imaginings depended for their fulfillment on speech.

Time was when the strongest emotion I felt was hate, and hate makes you strong. Tender emotions were dangerously softening. Implacable hatred of the whole world which hunted handicapped children into middens like St Nicholas twisted my relationships with people for years.

More here: http://bit.ly/2Ni3bD0



It felt appropriate to show and share that regardless of how tragic your own life is that others have it much worse. ~ Mitch Santell (editor’s note – mine).

Parting shot: There will be no global awakening. This site will be closed in a number of days and after that all indications that this site was ever here will be gone. I wish you all the best of luck as the world you live in has been taken over by pure evil. It is only through faith and discernment that you will survive what is coming. ~ MJS


#depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #sad #love #ptsd #mentalillness #depressed #selfcare #stress #suicide #recovery #health #therapy #bipolar #quotes #selflove #healing #motivation #sadness #suicideprevention #life #art #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #pain #memes #chronicillness #bhfyp #wellness #ocd #bpd #help #depressionhelp #suicidal #chronicpain #trauma #broken #meme #lonely #sadquotes #follow #alone #meditation #selfharm #spoonie #psychology #positivity #music #anorexia #poetry #fitness #feelings #sadedits #adhd #loveyourself #endthestigma #inspiration #lost #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #love #selflove #health #mentalillness #therapy #recovery #motivation #wellness #mindfulness #healing #ptsd #mentalhealthmatters #fitness #wellbeing #loveyourself #psychology #life #meditation #happiness #worldmentalhealthday #suicideprevention #endthestigma #inspiration #positivity #bhfyp

Upbeat, Positive, and Inspired

A Reflective Commentary On Real Happiness

2017-03-29 21.00.30 1481649702919065308_bigreggaemix

The ability to remain positive in challenging times is what separates those in 2019 who are highly functioning and others who scratch their head and can’t figure out “what the hell is going on.”

Accountability and Responsibility for yourself is your #1 responsibility in 2019. Why do I write this?

Answer: In the grand scheme of things, no one is showing up to take care of you, so you had better start to read up on what you need to do to feel and be happier.

There are straightforward things that you can do to start to improve your quality of life.

One ~ You are what you eat. If you eat crap, you will feel like crap.

Two ~ If you don’t hydrate, then your body and brain won’t function as well.

Three ~ Watching 12 hours of Netflix shows is not going to prolong your life.

Four ~ Simply walking each day at a gentle pace for 20 minutes can quickly improve your outlook, your health, and your attitude.

The reason that I have always been obsessed with doing simple things to keep my health is that these are things that anyone can do.

mark of maturity

What is an EGO?

Answer: Edging God Out.

Confidence is a great thing and I always support that mindset. It is the letting go of any worry about what other people think or what other people do. You have to work on you first.

Stop being depressed about all of the things that you can’t control.

Focus your time, attention and action on what YOU CAN DO!

Stop telling yourself why you can’t and switch to how you will.


You are allowed


parental advisory explicit content

#toxic #narcissist #emotionalabuse #love #toxicrelationships #gaslighting #memes #ot #narcissisticabuse #nocontact #narcissism #abuse #survivor #manipulation #sociopath #domesticviolence #npd #instagram #mentalhealth #narcawareness #meme #toxicpeople #rainbowsixsiege #narcopath #albareche #lies #r #memesdaily #albalia #bhfyp #rainbow #narcissisticabusesurvivor #operaciontriunfo #healing #lol #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #npdawareness #covertnarcissist #siege #albarecheot #otgira #albaganadora #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #siegememes #poison #albaynatalia #trauma #xbox #rainbowsiege #reche #natalialacunza #nataliayalba #recheteam #relationships #lmao #nataliaot #funny #flyingmonkeys #teamreche #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #sociopath #emotionalabuse #narcissism #abuse #toxicrelationships #toxicpeople #domesticviolence #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #npd #psychopath #healing #psychologicalabuse #nocontact #manipulation #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #crazymaking #covertnarcissist #narcopath #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissists #trauma #verbalabuse #psychopathfree #domesticabuse #parentalalienation 

 

Moon, Kim, Trump Hold Historic Three-way Talks On South Korean Soil

Commentary That May Be Historic by Mitch Santell

Historic Kim and Trump Meeing June 2019

Like so many of us who keep weird hours in the Truther Community, it blew my mind to wake up to see what happened in Korea.

Here are two short edited clips to the event. We take a break from our standard scheduled New World Order Programming to show you this unrehearsed event. (Natural or Pre-planned)?

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un said he was “surprised” by President Donald Trump’s abrupt Twitter invitation to meet him at the North-South Korean border on Sunday afternoon.

Surrounded by reporters inside a South Korean-controlled building at the border, Kim told Trump that some people speculated if the meeting was pre-arranged through official letters sent between the two leaders. Trump and Kim have exchanged numerous official letters during their tenure, some of which have not been publicly revealed.

“To be honest, I was surprised after I saw the president express his intention,” Kim said, adding that he did not know until late afternoon that he would be “formally” meeting Trump.

Read more here: http://bit.ly/301UhNM

ARIRANG News

A special thank you to ARIRANG News who covered this historic event.

Their home page is here: http://www.arirang.com/index.asp

ARIRANG News YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/arirangnews/about

The Story here: http://www.arirang.com/News/News_View.asp?nseq=239906


#trump #maga #donaldtrump #usa #republican #america #politics #conservative #memes #makeamericagreatagain #meme #trumptrain #liberal #democrats #republicans #potus #buildthewall #news #democrat #president #funny #presidenttrump #resist #dankmemes #love #trumpmemes #gop #impeachtrump #like #wimbledon #tennis #australianopen #usopen #rolandgarros #atp #london #frenchopen #wta #nike #tennisfan #babolat #atpworldtour #kingofclay #rogerfederer #kyrgios #monfils #nishikori #delpotro #grandslams #frenchopens #elevenfrenchopens #federer #rafaisthebest #rafanadalfanpage #oneaustralianopen #wimbledons #usopentennis #threeusopen #bhfyp

Don’t Give in to Suicide

The most important thing for me is that those around you know that they are loved. May this posting inspire you too. Why did it inspire me? As a kid growing up my Aunt Shirlee’s best friend’s brother committed suicide. My Aunt’s friend was never the same after that. Please heed this man’s advice. It is spot on!

Broken People

Teen suicide has risen dramatically in the last 20 years, and one of the best ways we can help is to encourage depressed and vulnerable young people to TALK ABOUT IT.

Hey, I’ve been there.

I tried to commit suicide in my early 20s. The details are in a couple blogs I wrote in December 2016, and in my book. The bottom line is I felt NOBODY could help me.

Nobody understood how I felt, or so I told myself, so I internalized everything until it nearly killed me.

In this world of pretend smiles and fake social media portraits, many are under the mistaken impression that you’re all alone. Thousands, MILLIONS around the world over the years have been exactly where you are.

My son also came within a few seconds of attempting suicide. Thank GOD he didn’t. Here’s a pic of us, along with my lovely bride of…

View original post 595 more words

QUESTION: What’s the Reason Behind the Rise of Transgender-ism?

This movement is the single biggest distraction by the American Counter-Culture and the U.S. Media. Now being straight and flirting is now in the closet.

Check this out and read on: Now, Heterosexuals are in the Closet

Home Is Where the Hate Is: The Triangle

The more I browse through social media outlets in the USSA or even travel abroad, I cannot help but notice the rise of transgenderism.

But why? And who’s to blame?

If you ask some people these two straight-forward questions, they will tell you about how transgenderism (and alternatives to matrimony) is some government “conspiracy” to destroy family units, or to promote perversion. Others point out some biblical dystopia that occurs within “the last days”, or simply blame liberalism, or neoliberalism.

Here’s my thoughts…

While there’s nothing new under the sun, the rise of transgenderism, like homosexuality, can stem from several components. While it’s rather asinine to assign this epidemic to race, some of this stems from the emasculation of the American white male. I mean, we can discuss Roman holidays (homosexuality in ancient Rome), LGBT musicians flourishing way back in the 1960s, bisexual American presidents (including J. Edgar…

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After The Chaos Of A Crisis

Reflections After A 5150 Lockdown by Mitch Santell

Patients awaiting emergency care fill a hallway at Luis Razetti Hospital in Puerto la Cruz, Venezuela.
My Daughter Lived In A Place Like This for Nine Days and It Was Hell.

Today we will celebrate a significant achievement in our home. What is it? It has been 120 days since my daughter admitted herself on a 5150 lockdown. Why? My daughter is disabled but highly functioning with a cognitive disorder. She had a total meltdown, and I had to step in as her Father and save her.

Now that her mind is clear and she is off of all of the Anti-Depressants she is taking her life back to be as healthy as possible. It was a wild ride.

What did I learn from this crisis?

You get to learn who your friends are and you get to watch people run and hide because they don’t want to “Deal with the Chaos of the Crisis.”

Me?

God has somehow blessed me with DNA that I do well in a crisis. Do you? I’ll tell you my secret; I usually lose it after the crisis not during it. There are no species on this earth that is as adaptable as human beings.

All I can do is be here in this moment living in Gratitude, Feeling Blessed, and focusing on solutions, not problems.

From observing my daughter through personal experience, I learned that these drugs (the anti-depressants), make you want to kill yourself. Big Pharma anti-depressant drugs in my view are demonic because the pills mask the symptoms, but they fry the brain. In so many cases these drugs cause dementia (or the symptoms of dementia), and this is not good.

My daughter did not ask me to take her off the drugs, she begged me. If you have a child going through this, my number one insight is to listen to your child. It does not matter if they are 11 or 21, listen to what your son or daughter is telling you.

The drugs made my daughter worse, put her in a dark place, and I am forever grateful that I found a Psychiatric Medical Group here in South Orange County California that was willing to partner with me to get my daughter off of the medications.

The worst part of these medications is that while each one may work to mask the symptoms or bring some “temporary relief,” there are no long-term, short-term nor any study that tests multiple drugs taken in combination.

During my daughter’s lockdown for nine days, she ended up on four medications, and it was that combination that made my daughter want to kill herself.

All of her blood tests came back normal, and she does not have schizophrenia. My daughter made me a better human being, a better Father and as we all know, being a parent is not for the faint of heart.

Do not ever take advice from people who don’t have children. My parents (RIP) who happily married for 48 years used to complain to me all the time, even when I was a teenager how everyone has an opinion, but they are not in your shoes. You can listen, but you have to follow your own heart and your gut.

Now that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not a train, now check out this clip on Vaccines. Do you see a pattern here? Have a blessed week.

Today I saw this blog posting and had placed some quotes from it here. Check this blog out as I am a subscriber to it.


On Challenges

People go through a lot. Don’t think that they don’t. All of us has to carry a certain pain, a certain tragedy. We all have our struggles, our fears, our losses. We all go through experiences that make it impossible to return to the person we used to be.

But most people don’t grow through what they go through.

Imagine being on a small boat. In the middle of the ocean. A storm comes. It badly damages the boat, but somehow you make it out of the storm alive. Now, the storm is gone. The sky is clear. No clouds. Despite being badly damaged, the boat is still afloat.

What do most people do?

Forget the storm even happened. Or prey that another one won’t ever come back. Or spend their time being afraid of another storm.

What almost no one does?

Fix the damn boat. Or build another one. A bigger and stronger one.

People waste their lives running away from what they fear, instead of using pain and fear to their advantage.

Challenges make us stronger. What doesn’t kill you…

Makes you wish it did.

But then it makes you stronger. Much stronger than you would have been if nothing bad hah happened.

But you’ve got to let it. You’ve got to learn. You’ve got to grow and accept responsibility for your life.

That is all.

Great Blog, see more here: https://cristianmihai.net/2018/09/21/on-challenges/

More here to review in terms of drugs and side affects: https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/medication-list#snris

#Zoloft #Prozac #Celexa #Lexapro #Paxil #Pexeva #Brisdelle

Avoid Drama and Crazy Makers

Comments On Avoiding The Insane Asylum by Mitch Santell

There are people in this world who only thrive on drama. There is no way around it. It’s a ball busting exhausting situation to be in when you are zen looking at people who are losing their minds.

crazy people you drove me nuts

There is only one way to survive crazymakers, don’t become one yourself. There are three things I do to keep myself in check and they are:

1). Listen more than you talk. ~ God gave us two ears and one mouth. People you meet will tell you who they are and if you listen long enough you will know if they need to be in your life.

2). Know when to walk away. ~ This is something that only you will understand. How will you know when it’s time to walk away? Answer: Do a mental inventory check of how you feel when you are with that person. If you feel empowered and inspired, stay where you are. If you leave each dialogue with this person feeling bad about yourself, it is best to move on.

3). Love them enough to let them go. ~ You will help yourself and the other person most by releasing them.

crazy people I can't

A personal reflection: Regarding how I move in the world, I like to leave each person better than I found them. I work on myself, and I reflect on myself more than anything else.


Something that I found…

“It’s been so long since the last time I had a meaningful conversation with my friends, especially the ones I used to be close with. I’m not gonna play victim and act as if they treated me so bad and left me behind. In fact, I’ve been acting distant lately, and perhaps so have they. It’s safe to say that I have no faintest idea of how they’re doing if it’s not with the help of Instagram and Twitter. Social media indeed has strange way of making us feel like we still know each other’s life when in reality we barely do anymore.

To begin with, in the past several months I haven’t reached out to some of my friends and haven’t replied to their messages to the point where they might assume I ignored them on purpose. Maybe in a way I did, but not to all of them. Relax. I’m a horrible friend and seriously screwed up. I’m really sorry for that. I’m sorry that things haven’t been so great lately. I might come off as uncaring and selfish. I won’t be surprised if some of them no longer consider me as their friends. I get it. I can’t expect anyone to stick by me when I don’t do my best to keep in touch with them and give them the attention they deserve to get.”

“Friendships are fragile and require active maintenance, or they’ll die. I guess I’ve let it happen more than once. I started to read some articles about how to maintain a friendship so maybe I can still save the remaining friends that I think I still have. Keeping in touch is said to be the fundamental aspect of it, especially when it comes to maintaining a long lasting friendship. It sounds pretty doable though, but I don’t know how to do it. The people I’ve been best friends with until now are the kind of low maintenance friends, and I’m also a low maintenance friend. We don’t always talk to each other every day. We could go months without seeing each other. But we always give the reassurance that we still have each other.”

“As a trash texter with mild depression, it’s hard to imagine what I have to do to keep the friendship alive when the very basic thing like reaching out to friends, responding back to their messages, or making phone calls can feel so overwhelming sometimes. My close friends came from various background with various upbringing. Each of them carries different set of personality. I have friend whom I can do crazy things together, and I have friends whom I can sit for hours doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company while telling about our secrets. As much as they seem to be diametrically opposite, they’re very understanding towards my habit. They never call me out for being not fun when I’m not really up to do anything. That’s the kind of friends that I need in my 20s. I’m only two years away from quarter life crisis so I’m constantly trying to avoid the gravity to fall into it while preparing myself for the probability of experiencing it. No wonder I’m always exhausted.”

Read the rest here: http://bit.ly/2JD1HCx

crazy first


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#myweirdwaiter #jimmyfallon #mentalillness #crazypeople

Happy Monday Zeph Daniel!

Written by Mitch Santell

Each and every month I am invited as a special guest on The Zeph Daniel Report. Since I am committed to the truth and also committed to being a part of the solution instead of the problem, I thought you might get a kick out of our conversation. No, you don’t have to listen to the entire 2 hours, I edited it down to 10 Minutes and 23 Seconds.

Make it a wonderful day. I love Mondays. Why? I pretend it’s Friday.

a cassette world
Zeph Daniel and Mitch Santell for 10:23

#love #me #tba #follow #metoo #beautiful #fun #like #fashion #reggae #weinstein