Commentary About Friendships and Relationships by Mitch Santell
Connections with people are very funny things, aren’t they? Sometimes you meet someone and you feel like you have known them their whole life while others are more like passing ships in the night. Throughout our life, we meet so many people who are either positive, negative or neutral to who we are.
The ability to maintain friendships has never been easier because of social media and yet I know so many who are hurting, it comes down to breaking bread together. In our family, we always broke bread together. From the time I was small, I was even taught the importance of breaking bread in business.
When we were younger, we cycled through our interactions quickly: best friends, friend groups, relationships even. As we mature, unimportant relationships and friendships have fallen away and the few close ones have withstood the test of time. Along the way, you’ve probably let go of someone you never thought you’d say goodbye to. You’ve probably let go of someone you never wanted to say goodbye to.
It’s easy feel possessive of the people you love. The two of you have spent so much time together, bonded over silly and not so silly things, made a deep connection in a world full of so many people. So when it ends — whether it’s mutual, for good reasons, or just a slow fade — it just doesn’t feel right. But it happened and you’ll come to terms with it eventually. I never like the term letting them go or moving on. Especially since I loved them so deeply, it just didn’t make sense to me. Over the years I’ve realized that it’s not cutting someone off, it’s just loving them quieter.
Loving someone is usually loud. It’s tight hugs, late night calls, laughing candid photos, “I miss you” texts in caps. Learning to love quieter is actually not doing these things that once showed them that you care. It’s actively not doing these things, because you care. You care about their well-being, and allowing them to walk away if all has been said and there is nothing more to salvage. So you begin loving them from a distance.
You start with texting them less. You get the urge to when you pass by their favorite coffeeshop, see someone with the same dress as them, mundane things that used to be normal. You stop liking their social media posts or even looking at their feed because it just hurts. You want to be angry. You want to scream and yell and make them understand how much it all just sucks, but you know deep down it’s only because you care so much. So swallow that anger, it’ll pass.
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